some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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