I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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