He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The adults are the big ones right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
