Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
