i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
