I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
