i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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