it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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