My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
