my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
