I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
