ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
