he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sobbing to NWA
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize