32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
