WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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