Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
