There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
