hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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