you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
