Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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