Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
