STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
