i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
