I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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