But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
