Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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