Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
