3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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