fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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