I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
