By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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