I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize