You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
