I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
