i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
