dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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