He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
