8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
