Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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