Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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