It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize