WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
