I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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