Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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