Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
