you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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