When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
