New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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