Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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