Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
