i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
