may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
