I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
