return my video game
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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