So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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