what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize