He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
