can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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