I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your cock deserves a montage
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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