You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
