Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
