don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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