I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
