I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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