Nicole vs. Life
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
