I can tuck mytits in my pants
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
