you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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