dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
