I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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