Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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