office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
