There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There r osticjed everywhere
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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