Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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