Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
