We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize