Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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