I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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