ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
