If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
