i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
