I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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