how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
